THIS WEEK’S SPECIAL… is sold out. But there are still plenty of these wonderful Floss Splatter Guards. The FSG has been specially designed in a laboratory with test tubes and mentally-challenged bunnies to stop tiny bits of food from getting anywhere near your mirror, kids, or in-laws. It’s so easy any moron can do it. Maybe even you!
Alright mates? This is Tony. Shut the fuck up! I’m trying to tell you sumfink. We got a deal for you here at (what’s this fucking site called again? Oh, yeah, cheers, guv) at www.lightbulbindustries.tumblr.com — we don’t got any lightbulbs so don’t fucking ask. Anyway, click on the picture to see more. Or you can fucking click here for all I care. It’s not about the fucking clickink or anyfink. It’s about this ‘ere karma rubbish right? You get peace o’ mind innit for a couple of quid for ‘elping out them little people in … in … fuck, I don’t know where but I bet they don’t got no footie on Sky TV down there. Probably can’t drink the fucking water, scuse my French. Probably one of dem useless places where they get sympaffy claps for sending one poor sod to rep’sent dem at the fucking Olympics. Poor geezer’s carrying that little flag all by himself and the Old Bill’s hassling him about his gear. He probably has 12 kids and all. So give ‘im some fucking karma, right? Sorted.
An amphibious Surkey (half salmon, half turkey) being trained to be eaten by Doctor Dwight F Bitz aboard the SS Minow. Surkeys are delicious, additive free, and full of wondrous vitamins and minerals and are now being harvested and prepared for your summer holidays! Be the first on your block to eat a surkey! Order yours today!
*plus shipping and handling — the post office will charge you about 10 bucks to ship it and we’ll charge you whatever we feel like for “handling” your product — kind of depends on how much cash we need to pay the rent at the end of the month so the more products you buy the less we’ll have to charge for handling so why not grab a few extra and beat the christmas rush?
Did you see our advertisement at the Nutley bus station? Then you are entitled to 4% off your first and only purchase of our high-tech computers with the delete key moved off the keyboard entirely. No more accidental deletions, no more crying at loss of valuable datas and no more frustration. Just happy surfing. The Mega Upbyte PC is only available from LightBulb Industries. Call today!
Are you tired of your kids or your neighbour’s kids fighting over who gets a chance to pull apart a chicken’s wishbone and make a wish? We are too! Well now there is an answer. We at LightBulb Industries (we do not sell light bulbs so please do not ask us) have developed a toy wishbone made of space age technology that makes each wishbone virtually unbreakable (It’s the same wishbones astronauts use!!!!). Each pack contains 365 wishbones so your kids will get a chance to make a wish each day! Simply order from our cart, and we can ship the box of wishbones to your abode. For a limited time offer only, we will also include an origami wishbone handcrafted by artisans in China or Vietnam or some such place.